My Stay-at-Home/Home Schooling Experience

     When I was a stay-at-home dad, I really struggled with it. I was not—perhaps still am not—stay-at-home material. I’m not particularly good at taking care of myself let along little human beings who depend on me for their sustenance. I’m not a particularly good housekeeper. I’m absent minded. I’m anxiety prone. I have a terrible habit of tensing up every muscle in my body and freezing in place, and this is when I don’t have any responsibilities. I've dealt with undiagnosed depression for who knows how long. I was just not particularly cut out for home life.

     I struggled through a lot of parenting. I constantly felt like I was doing the bare minimum, which made me feel crappy, which compromised my parenting, which made me feel like I was doing the bear minimum, which made me feel crappy; and in the vicious circle I roamed. Bailey would come home, the house would be a wreck, the sink would be full of dishes, dinner wasn’t made. I’d joke that at least the kids were still alive. In short, I struggled, and this was challenging for me, because I didn’t feel good about myself, and it was challenging for Bailey, because she felt that she was always picking up the slack.

     At a certain point, I don’t remember exactly when, I came around to realizing that at least part of my problem was that I felt responsible for everything, and since I could never do everything, I felt doomed to failure. The way to fix this was not through doing everything, but by giving up on trying to do everything. I knew what my strengths and weaknesses were, and I knew that I had one solid stay-at-home strength, the ability to educate my children. 

     Having been home schooled myself, I never questioned that I was capable of teaching my kids at home. I knew how it worked. I knew it was a way of interacting with my children, getting quality parenting time and teaching them something at the same time. 

     We had amassed a large quantity of children’s flash cards, and I started using these with the kids every day. It started out with just colors, holding up the red flash card and saying “red.” Easy-peasy! Next, you start asking them what color it is. There’s nothing to it. Pro-tip: flashcards work the same way from pre-K to college and beyond. Use them as a game or a quiz. Develop questions based on them. Don’t just say the answer. Take time to have the child say the answer first. 

     I would take the kids, one at a time, into my arms and move around the house. I would start quizzing them on what things were and how they worked. (Keep in mind, my kids at this time are 3 and below.) I’d point to a lamp and ask them what it was. We'd take turns turning it on and off. We’d play with cars and watch them role. I remember one time making a tunnel for toy cars with a carpet tube. I would do anything just to be with the kids, point things out, and let them observe how things worked. And I could help them name things.

     Children really don’t need a whole lot to learn. They don’t need elaborate lesson plans. They don’t need an hour of preparation for a 10 minute lesson. So much of education is just being with your child and just asking them what they’re doing. As they learn, you can move on to newer things. Don’t beat dead horses, but also don’t think you need to win Kentucky Derby. When they had learned the items on the flash cards, I started showing them the words on the back of the flashcard for them to start associating the words with the items. Don’t worry that they’re not ready for reading. If they can recognize the word, they’re learning to read.

     After Ezra was born, I got a night job, but I was still the stay-at-home parent for the mornings and early afternoons. I bought a Melissa and Doug school set and started doing little activities from that. I was never very organized, but that didn’t matter much. It was a play school set, and we just played school. We continued doing flashcard, reading books together, playing games, etc.

     Eventually, the kids started going to Holy Spirit School, and I worked my way back into the working world. I never did feel like a great stay-at-home parent, but when I focused on just that one thing, on educating the kids, I at least felt that at the end of the day I had done a good job and I could be satisfied knowing that I had done something right. I still take time to educate the kids, like when Colburn was going through his phase of asking long addition problems. I just went along with it, tried to answer all his questions, and quizzed him with my own long addition questions. Bailey could hardly take this. I'm pretty sure we caused her some temporary insanity after we started getting into the quadruple digits. As for me, I was in my element.

     No lesson plan. Little preparation. Just a commitment to work with my children. 

     To be continued.