Fathers Are NOT Babysitters

      Whelp, I'm really worked up today, because I'm kicking myself for not calling someone out during a teleconference. So, I'm just going to write about it.

     You see, I was in a Microsoft TEAMS teleconference today with about six other people, and one of the people on the call happened to be a father who was working from home watching his son. When he told everyone on the call that he was taking care of his son while working, one of the women on the call commented, "Oh so you're babysitting today."

     I don't even know what was said next, as I immediately went into "do I call this out?" mode. I don't want to call people out in the middle of a teleconference for all to hear. I don't want to be harsh, and I don't want to make a scene either, and I know this person will get defensive if I bring it up. So, I let it drop, and everybody else appeared to let it drop too.

     And then for the next couple of hours I went over all the things I could have said. It occupied my brain and distracted me from work. So, I just need to get this out there for somebody to hear.

     Here's the deal people, in case anybody is wondering: DADS are PARENTS. They are NOT babysitters. Period! Full stop!

     Seriously, can a man not be with his own children in his own home without being mocked as a backup plan for when the "real parent" isn't home? I have never once heard anybody refer to a working mother with her children as a babysitter. Not once. But the babysitter dad is a trope that hangs thick in the air. In our society, mom equals parent, but dad equals babysitter. 

     And you wonder why women still have to do most of the domestic work! You wonder why, despite women doing more and more work outside the house, they are not making the same advances in working less and less in the house. This results in what many feminist scholars refer to as the "double burden." Many women work an eight hour day in the office, but still have to perform the lion's share of the work in the home.

     But if this is how fathers are treated when they do work at home, can you blame them for not taking on more of their domestic role? Let me be blunt. If you fail to even recognize that fathers are parents, you share responsibility for creating an atmosphere that devalues a man's domestic and familial contribution. You create a hostile atmosphere for a man's contribution to his family. And yes, you contribute to the double burden women feel. Why would a man, like my coworker, want to take on more of a domestic role when women, like this woman on the teleconference call, mock him and automatically relegate him to an inferior role of babysitter?

     Dads are parents, not babysitters!

      And that's what I wish I could have said on my teleconference call, but I didn't.

     Maybe next time I'll be a little quicker to call this out when I hear it. 

     

Why Some People Need to be Cancelled

(CONTENT WARNING: Discussion of Sexual Abuse and Predation)

     Christian apologist Ravi Zacharias is cancelled. Of course, he's dead, so he doesn't know this, but you and I know this. HarperCollins Christian Publishing has announced it will stop publishing his books. Christian author Lee Strobel has announced he is going to revise  one of his books to exclude mention of Zacharias. The Ravi Zacharias International Ministry, which is now led by Zacharias's daughter Sarah Davis, is "in the process of taking down Ravi’s content from our website and social media platforms, including publications, videos, and other forms of content." Popular Christian pastors are publicly disowning Zacharias's book, as popular YouTubing pastor Make Winger did, throwing away Zacharias's books in a video. 

     So why is Zacharias cancelled? Well, it's because he was a sexual predator and serial abuser. Considered by many to be the most popular Christian apologist in the world, Zacharias led a double life. On February 9, 2021, the legal firm Martin & Miller released their "Report of Independent Investigation into Sexual Misconduct of Ravi Zacharias." Although their investigation was specifically focused on "sexual misconduct," investigators discovered activities which spill over from misconduct into criminal behavior. Zacharias literally owned massage parlors where he could procure sexual favors. He solicited nude photographs from his victims. He exploited his victim's financial needs in order to solicit sex. He publicly shamed and demonized his one victim who came forward while he was still alive, Lori Anne Thompson. 

     But there is one anonymous victim in this report that stands out. This is the victim who described Zacharias's actions as rape. Her story is captured in one disturbing paragraph:

This witness told us that their relationship began as a normal massage therapist-client relationship, and she came to think of him as a father figure. He elicited information about her faith and her financial situation. She reported that after he arranged for the ministry to provide her with financial support, he required sex from her. According to this witness, Mr. Zacharias used religious expressions to gain compliance, as she was raised to be a person of faith. She reported that he made her pray with him to thank God for the “opportunity” they both received. She said he called her his “reward” for living a life of service to God, and he referenced the “godly men” in the Bible with more than one wife. She said he warned her not ever to speak out against him or she would be responsible for the “millions of souls” whose salvation would be lost if his reputation was damaged.

     Zacharias didn't just abuse his victims. He weaponized his ministry against them. He used his position of authority and faith to trap his victims against their will. His ministry, his apologetics, his theology, his faith, his reputation as a great Christian, were all tools of sexual exploitation.

     When I think of Zacharias, Bill Cosby comes to mind. Cosby did the same exact thing. Portraying a loveable, family oriented Dr. Huxtable on T.V., he used his image, his iconic stature of wholesomeness, as a means to the end of sexual predation. 

     You see, there's a reason why pastors are throwing away Zacharias's books. The books are part of the predation. It isn't as though Zacharias wrote books over here and raped women over there. No, his ministry was itself a means to the end of rape. Bill Cosby didn't have a wholesome, family-friendly show over here and rape women over there. His show was a means to the end. He was drugging his victims with Quaaludes while drugging society with his image. If the Quaaludes made it impossible for his victims to fight back, his image made it impossible for his victims to speak up. 

     Some people need to be cancelled. This isn't because the "content" they produced is bad or objectionable. Christian apologists will keep on using the same arguments that Zacharias used in his books. Comedians will still make dad jokes, even if "America's Dad" doesn't. The content will be reproduced by someone else, somewhere else. But what we need to acknowledge is that the "creative output" of people like Zacharias or Cosby isn't some good they are bequeathing to society for its benefit. It is a tool they exploit for their own predation. 

     Yes, I think cancel culture has its problems. Yes, I think we are far too quick to cancel people or content that offends our sensitivities or isn't deemed politically correct. But what we need to realize is that there is some content out there that was created for the purpose of exploitation and predation, and cancelling this content is not an act of censorship. It is an act of disarming the exploiters and predators.